Fair Play
by Ummster
Summary: Serena Tsukino, cynical art studio owner, finds herself a satisfying, modest life bashing the attentions of men and laughing at the romantic escapades of her two best friends.  Enter playboy millionare Darien Chiba.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Serena Tsukino is a self-sufficient, romantically-cynical 24-year-old whose art studio comes to the attention of playboy millionaire Darien Chiba. He decides to teach her about business; little does Serena know she's getting more than she bargained for.

_  
Fair Play  
by Ummster  
_

Well, this idea came to me, and I just had to try it. You know how it is, you get a new idea and can't help but right it out, even though you should be working on all your other stories and so many other things. 'Oops'. I just wanted to try something fun again. Is that a crime?  Anyways, I think you'll like this one. I attempted to be witty…let's see how well it went. Just a little side note: I don't think all men are evil.

Yes, and this is totally, utterly A/U. I played with the Japanese and Dubbed names, and sorta mixed them up, b/c I REALLY wanted the protagonist's name to be Serena, not Bunny. It was just that Usagi seemed associated with a cheerful, not-too-smart young girl, whereas my heroine is supposed to be intelligent and cynical. Mamoru is pretty much the same, though definitely more outgoing, but I call him Darien just to keep things consistent.

As for my other stories, keep on waiting! Chapters will be out soon! _Only Time Will Tell_ will be next on my list of stories that need updating. Currently in writers block. Wow…I have way too many stories to update.

As for now, enjoy, and review!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Naoko, and quotes are from Gone with the Wind.

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The cool monotones of darkness had long since faded away. The setting was oddly idyllic; of the vibrant splashes of yellow from the rising yolk of a sun and the too-cheerful overtones of the birds. The view of the lake was spectacular, sparkling and squirming around the bank. Had it been any other day I would have swept up my canvas and captured the landscape perpetually. Now, however, it hardly interested me.

Sighing, though hardly wistful, I turned the page of my antiquated 1939 _Gone with the Wind _paperback.

_"Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm…"  
_

Ah, the quintessential heroine: a mélange of sophistication and audacity, a temptress with coy. Everything my mother had taught me not to be. I burrowed my nose further in the page, laughing with scorn as I read the familiar words.

"…_In her face were too sharply blended the delicate features of her mother, a Coast aristocrat of French descent, and the heavy ones of her florid Irish father. But it was an arresting face, pointed of chin, square of jaw. Her eyes were pale green without a touch of hazel, starred with bristly black lashes and slightly tilted at the ends. Above them, her thick black brows slanted upward, cutting a startling oblique line in her magnolia-white…"_

I put the book down and stretched the full expanse of my legs over the deserted park bench. A zephyr blew across my face and I paused a moment to pull my hair back into tight elastic. I hardly cared that the bun I had made was disconcertingly sloppy, or that it sagged against my shoulder, for as far as I could tell, the only ones in the park were me and Scarlett O'Hara. Hardly anyone ever came down here at this time of day; it was too early and lonely. That was just what I liked about it.

I pulled a hoodie over my black halter dress, smoothing down the array of delicate ruffles that graced the front. There was something whimsical about pulling oneself into flattering clothing and studying a romance novel; even if the top half was covered by an ugly gray sweater, or if the purpose of the reading was to point out the endless flaws that contrasted romance novels with reality.

Twirling the strings around a slender finger, I turned back to the book in question, although undoubtedly there was no need. I had long since memorized the first few pages.

"Do you mind if I sit down?" a voice crooned lightly.

I shook my head mutely at the unnoticed form, tucking my long legs behind me. The man (for I had deduced this much) took a seat beside me. Still immersed in the yellowed pages of the little book, I barely made out the pert cough of my companion. Even if I had, I probably would have ignored it. I was anticipating the arrival of the sexy Rhett Butler, and nothing would have taken my mind off that except, perhaps, a man of the same caliber. Then again, they didn't exist…

"…_The dress set off to perfection the seventeen-inch waist, the smallest in three counties…"  
_

Barely able to suppress the snort that rose from the fine corners of my mouth, I continued.

_"__But for all the modesty of her spreading skirts, the demureness of hair netted smoothly into a chignon and the quietness of small white hands folded in her lap, her true self was poorly concealed. The green eyes in the carefully sweet face were turbulent, willful, and lusty with life, distinctly at variance with her decorous demeanor. Her manners had-" __  
_

"You look like you need a lover."

I looked up, startled, and equally peeved that anyone would dare enter my romance-bashing reverie. "Who're you, my connoisseur?" I snapped. A bit my lip when my eyes met his.

He couldn't have been older than twenty-eight. His arms were folded casually behind his head as he leaned languidly on the bench, peering at me from the corner of his blue eyes. Sharp features merged together to form possibly the most sensual face I'd ever seen; a pointed chin and firm jaw line, an aristocratic nose and a pair of sultry eyes masked cobalt as they gazed at me. Above them perched a set of long eyebrows, not thick, but thick enough to deem masculine. Dark, tousled bangs swept over his eyes, particularly over the right, the beginning of a thick shroud of ebony hair. It was evident that he was sweating in his athletic shorts and gray pullover, eerily similar to my sweatshirt in size and shape, but judging from his relaxed demeanor he was hardly tired. There was no denying he was exceedingly handsome, possibly the most handsome man I'd seen in a long time.

His reply bolted me out of my thoughts. "Maybe." He turned to me this time, his eyes sharpening.

I clucked my tongue. "What makes you think I need a lover?"

He looked into the distance in front of him, at nothing in particular, his hands still folded behind his back. It was annoying me out of my wits- just another sign of how all living men were cocky and self-absorbed. "You're wearing an evening gown at five in the morning and reading _Gone with the Wind. _Must I explain further?"

Ahh, he'd mistaken me for a romantic, exactly what I wasn't. I supposed I had the appearance of one. "That's where you're wrong, buddy. I'm a feminist. These types of books," I held it up for emphasis, pointing at the ludicrous panting of Rhett embracing Scarlett, "are the bane of my existence. I read them because I find it amusing to point out how unreal all of the circumstances are."

"Oh." His expression lightened and he looked amused, a sly smile slipping across his lips. "Your attire?" Damn him for thinking this was funny.

I fingered it slowly. "Just because I think men are debauching pigs by nature doesn't mean I don't like to flatter myself. The hoodie keeps me warm." I looked back at him, silently taking in the way his mouth had firmed and his eyes flickered with sarcasm. He really was a gorgeous specimen of a man. The unbeknownst nagging voice of one of my two best friends popped into the back of my mind, trying to get me to take the hoodie off and reveal some of my womanly attributes (for lack of a more decent phrase).

Perhaps I should take this time to give this interesting friend of mine a brief, un-flattering bio.

Mina Aino was the materialistic icon, and just so happened to be my roommate in the apartment we shared. Some claimed we looked alike, but that was as far as the similarity went. She was my perfect foil; and it was a miracle that we even got along. Being a successful model, her pastimes were shopping for clothes and boys. In vain she had several times tried to impart her seduction skills on me, wherefore I had given her the cold shoulder. I did like her clothes, though. I borrowed them on occasion; like the low-dipped, fairly revealing black dress I now donned. She had enough to sustain a stampede of gum-popping teenagers.

She also had a tendency of popping up in my mind at the most peculiar moments.

_ He's gorgeous! This is your time to shine, my little apprentice! Just remember everything I've taught you. Get the hoodie off! Let down your hair! Bat your eyelashes! Act coy! _ (voice is muffled as I begin to snore)

I actually yawned at the notion that I should try to act seductive, but froze when I realized that I was actually sweating under the padding of the sweater. With a wayward sigh (and Mina's triumphant hoot inside my head) I tugged the hoodie off and rearranged my hair, then turned back to the book I was berating.

He was staring. I knew because of the way my skin was reddening, and the Goosebumps that filed along the bare skin of my back. I slatted my eyes and turned to the man, whose eyes seemed to have locked at the intermittence of my tanned skin. "What?" I asked, waving my arms in front of his eyes, but failing to interrupt his gaze. He grinned a little, but didn't take his eyes off my form.

"You have a sexy little body there." I folded my arms across my chest, knowing that I was turning crimson was the second. I was a feminist, but not immune. "You're just a cynical little tease, that's what you are." His eyes twinkled, turning up from my form and transferring to my face, which I was sure was billowing steam by now.

"I'm not a cynic; I'm a realist!" I screeched, shaking a wary fist at him. He laughed. That wasn't a good idea; I'd inherited some of Rei's fiery temper (that was another one of my undecipherable best friends- we'll get to her unflattering bio later). Horns might as well have apparated atop my blonde head as I moved in closer, nose to nose with him. He looked entirely amused and calm, whereas here I was, aroused and ticked-off by this man I hardly knew, and it was making me crazy.

"Are you sure you're not a misandrist?"

"No. I don't hate men. I just hate their attention."

"Why, not worth your time?"

"Exactly. What would I get out of it, anyways?"

He chuckled, arching down to meet my face which had straightened to its full height, but still dangled embarrassingly below his towering figure. "You're probably right when you say we're all evil. But that by no means entitles that we aren't capable of overcoming it. We can have good intentions, you know."

"Mhm," I muttered sarcastically. He heard me and quirked one of those long eyebrows of his, his eyes darkening.

"I was under the impression that all woman wanted to find that 'special' someone they'll spend the rest of their life with. Don't you think you'll fall in love someday?"

"No. I'm not capable of loving," I said matter-of-factly. It was true. I wasn't. It wasn't that I was self-absorbed; it was that I wasn't trusting. I didn't even try anymore. There had been times when I had been caught up in those euphoric romantic dreams at that vulnerable age of prematurity, and half-thrown myself at the opposite sex, but those times were over. My life now revolved around my petite, yet admirably cozy art studio on the corner of Juuban. I hadn't dated in three years.

He nodded victoriously, sifting a calloused hand through his back locks. Had I not been who I was, I would have thought it dreamy. "See. You _are_ a cynic. Everyone has the capacity of falling in love."

I rolled my eyes. "Not if they don't want to. Perhaps there really does exist some bizarre emotion called love; but it's too often confused with lust, which is entirely different. I don't want to get entangled in all that."

"So you intend to grow up to be an old maid, eh?"

"Mmrp." I didn't reply. The man smiled and scooted over on the bench. I pulled my hoodie back on with a little grumble.

"I see." He paused, glancing at his wristwatch. He got up, smoothed himself down as if he had been wearing something other than his sweaty attire, and reached out his hand. "It was nice meeting you. Perhaps I'll have the pleasure again." I grasped his hand, a little shocked and not sure whether he was being sarcastic or not, but shook it anyways. He nodded politely at me, looked about ready to take off, and then turned again, a slight smile tugging at his lips. "You know, I still think you need a lover. I'm available if you ever need one." With that smart remark, and a killer smile, he took off in a fast sprint down the park pathway. I watched his muscles rippling under his shirt and the way his hair plastered to his eyes as the wind swept across his face.

_Damn men._

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The door behind me swung shut with a resounding 'thud' as I staggered into my apartment, menially dragging behind a sack of half-finished canvases and sketches. Mina stretched backwards over the arm rest of our couch, her luxurious mane of blonde hair just barely reaching the floor beneath her. She giggled and waved, brushing the remote sideways in a vain attempt to flip the channels to another one of those useless, chick flick shows…the ones were shallow women engaged in catfights and got pregnant on a regular basis.

Mina toppled off the coach and shakily got off the ground. "Oooh, tipsy," she murmured, before skipping up to greet me. "How was your day, sweetie?"

"Fine." I dumped the bag on the ground, watching the contents roll out of it. "Almost finished that abstract piece I was working on." I haphazardly perused through the pile, raising a monitor-sized painting of what seemed to be random splashes of ashen color and a dotted line running diagonally down it. _Perfect. _I smiled cheekily and held it out for her to examine.

She glanced at it sourly, then shrugged and deposited it over her shoulder. "I meant, did anything _interesting _happen?"

Superficial members of the sex tended not to understand the subtle brilliancy of an outwardly clumsy work of art. "Well let's see…" My mind tried to block out the moaning sounds coming from the couple locking lips on an unknown soup opera. "I met a guy at the park today. Then I went down to the studio and taught some classes. Not for long though; see, my goal is to have a gallery up by next month-"

Her sapphire eyes widened. "Hold up. You met a _guy?_"

I plopped down on the coach next to her. "Yep."

"Well what happened?" she chirped jovially, "Spill, girl! I need all the juicy details!" Shaking my head incredulously, I wondered if Mina would ever get over high school.

"Uh…we talked about love…he stared at my cleavage…end of story." I frowned and snatched the remote out of her hands, not sure if that had sounded exactly the way I had meant it too. I flipped through the channels lazily, pausing at _The Price is Right._ "Anyways, there was this really adorable little girl named Annette in class today and she has the most precious yorkie…"

"God, sometimes I wonder whether you lean towards the other side or something." Mina tugged at my sleeve in annoyance. "Tell me more about this guy!"

"Ugh." I rolled my eyes. "Is that all you think about? Guys?"

"Yes. I model, remember? It's my job to act sexy." She winked at me and wiggled her hips. I laughed and leaned my head back on the coach, resting my eyes for a moment. I'd had a long day, and the enthusiastic screeches of the game show participants were hardly helping.

"FREEZE!" Her hands shot up parallel to the wall and her eyes widened. She looked like a mime. I almost laughed at the ludicrous gesture.

"Huh?"

"Just freeze!"

"I'm not moving."

"Whatever." She bent down, and slowly, painfully slowly, began to finger my face.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF-"

"Hush," she said gently. I frowned a little, wondering what she was up to, but decided to leave her alone. Her hands reached for my hair and she let it down carefully, watching the curls tumble over my shoulders. She cocked her head slightly to the side, her full mouth opening slightly. "You know, you could be a model. I could talk to my agent for you, if you'd like."

I groaned and brushed her hands aside, tying up my hair again haphazardly. "Don't you care that you're objectifying the female body?"

"Ummm…no." She laughed airily. "Come on Sere! You have the perfect figure, beautiful hair, and _gorgeous _eyes…you even have the 'weirdness factor'!" I barely suppressed a snort; that last part was inevitably true. My legs took up five-sixths of my diminutive frame; my hair was golden (yes, _golden) _and my orbs were the most peculiar shade of pale blue. "Pretty please?" she pouted adorably, the way only temptresses can, "with a cherry on top? We could be amazing together! Think about it! The dynamic duo!" Mina pumped her arms and did a little happy dance.

"Mina," I whined, pointing to my bulging bag I had dropped at the entrance, "My passion is ART! Da Vinci, Clay, Van Eyck, Picasso, Dali…come on, stick with me here!"

Her blank stare was answer enough. "Uhhhhhhhhhh…anyways…what was this guy like?" Her eyes brightened as she looked me over thoroughly. I swear I saw drool dribble down her chin.

I thought it over for a second. "Idiot."

"You think everyone's an idiot who believes in love." I nodded vigorously; she was catching on. "I suppose you think I'm an idiot too." I nodded harder. "Was this idiot cute?"

Of course he was. He was _gorgeous. _If I could only draw him I'd have a bloody masterpiece…( cough ) I mean… "Sort of." When I didn't elaborate, she grabbed my hand and pinched it painfully. I scowled at her, but continued anyway. "I suppose you could consider him the ideal heartthrob. Tall, handsome, mysterious-"

"I'm liking the sound of this." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Go on. I think you mentioned something about cleavage earlier."

"Oh, that." I pretended to feign nonchalance, and casually flipped through a _People _magazine that had been lying dormant on the coffee table. Big mistake. I was instantly bombarded with images of half-naked men and women swimming in a sea of romance. "Well you know how men are." Flip. Ooh, Matt Damon. ( smiles sheepishly ) Hey, I was allowed to think men were attractive! _"Barbarians."_ Flip. Another scantily clad model. _"Lacking."_ Flip. 'How to trap your crush in ten days'. I ripped the page out with a little growl. _"Self."_ Flip. Natural Makeovers. "_Restrain."_ Flip. _'_Summer Hot List'. I laughed at the pages of finely sculpted men that appeared before me, wondering how long the pathetic losers wasted at the gym every day.

"Serena, you're no fun. All you do is sit around and mope about how men are stupid. If you never try, you'll never know." Mina reprimanded.

I slapped her lightly, still laughing at the loser list. "Yeah, and you're a disgrace to womankind."

"Touché."

"Hardly." Mina sniffed and turned away in mock hurt, though I knew she loved the fact that men followed her around like lost puppies.

The door chose that moment to swing open again. _Enter Rei. _Rei Hino, the black-haired beauty, was the neutralist of our triplet, and possibly the most sensible. She had the tendency to ramble and sustained a surprisingly fiery temper, but that was exactly what we loved about her. She held grudges easily and lengthily, so we girls had learned to always proceed with caution. Like Mina, she loved the fact that men followed her around, but liked to stay loyal to a single man. Her current boyfriend, Jadeite, was one of the advisors for _Chiba Enterprises_, one of those small-business consuming monopolies that specialized in a combination of Insurance, Real Estate, and all other industries that were profitable. Personally, I despised the company and all who worked for it, though I found Jadeite charming enough.

"Hello, my pretty friends," she chirped, swinging her black leather Gucci back across her shoulder and slipping off her three-inch high-heeled boots (that girl had skill) to join us on the coach. "How were your days?" I waved at the pale blonde man that had strolled in behind her. He smiled warmly back at me, his hands shoved in his pockets. I naturally withheld my hatred from men who were already taken. After all, in their eyes I was a woman and not a piece of meat up for devouring.

I wasn't exactly sure how he held on to the moody Rei, but he seemed to be doing a darn good job, for she was very well enamored with him. Jadeite leaned down to kiss her sweetly on the lips, then muttered a hasty goodbye and swept out the door.

"Well Serena here met a guy at the park who stared at her cleavage," Mina piped officiously, watching the man go with her eyes raised. Beautiful men always seemed to catch her attention.

I nodded and shrugged. "I also finished that abstract piece I've been working on all week-"

Violet eyes slit menacingly above mine. "Shhh! Did I ask about your art studio! Give it a break, man-hater." Rei's hair leaned dangerously close to my own. Someday it was going to give me whiplash.

"I am not a man-hater!"

She chose to ignore that comment. "Well, what happened?"

"Nothing. I called him a pig, and then he offered to be my lover."

Rei grinned devilishly while Mina squealed in delight. "I knew it!" my blonde companion gushed victoriously, eyes twinkling with delight, "some of me rubbed off on you!"

"Were you hypnotized or something?" Rei asked quite seriously, "The last guy that tried to hit on you ended up with a paint brush stuck up his ass."

I harrumphed and stuck out my tongue. "Meanie. Last guy that tried to hit on me was a subway pothead. Served him right. God I still remember when he tried to kiss my hand…" the three of us shuddered simultaneously. "Anyways, he left before I could do anything drastic."

"Good for him," Rei teased. "Sere, you've got to learn not to despise men's attention so much. They're all just big babies. Big, adorable babies. Take Jed for example. I can sing him a lullaby and he falls straight asleep."

"Rei, you're a singer. That's your profession. You've been trained."

"So?"

"Besides, I don't want babies."

She pouted and gave me her best puppy-dog face, quite an effort under the mounds of foundation and mascara that layered her skin. Mina giggled, snatching the _People _magazine out of my grasp. "Awww? Purty Pweese?"

I rolled my eyes and strolled to the refrigerator for a tub of ChocoMint icecream. I grasped a spoon and swung the freezer open. "Rei, I taught you that," I pointed out snidely.

She scowled and crossed her arms over her tight crimson turtleneck. Instantly a sly smile crept across her face and she carefully picked up the high-heels she had deposited at our entrance. Standing on her tip-toes she dangled them high over my head as I watched on behind my scoop of chocolaty goodness.

I licked at my spoon innocently and peered up at her with wide, puzzled blue eyes. "Whatcha doin'?"

She grinned down at me, her eyes watering with mischief, basking in the fact that she stood nearly a foot taller than me. "I've decided that I'm not going to let you borrow my shoes, or my clothes for that matter, ever again."

My face fell. The only shoes I owned were a pair of converse sneakers from college and the old fashioned Mary Janes my mom had bought me for my birthday. On the other hand, Rei boasted a whole collection of head-turning, designer loafers...the thought alone caused me to salivate. I stared at my bare pink feet despairingly. "But Rei-"

"That is, unless you're willing to negotiate…" her voice trailed off suggestively, her grin extending maliciously with each word.

I groaned and raised my palms mockingly towards the heavens. "Lord, forgive me, I'm about to strike a bargain with the devil!" I brought them down and scowled. "What's it gonna be?"

Her voice dripped with lecherousness. "You ask out any one guy of my choice." Up until that moment, Mina had been otherwise preoccupied flipping through her stock of manga, but at those words her well-groomed head shot up like cold fire.

"You mean _our _choice?" she added, raising an eyebrow and stalking over to where me and Rei were hovering in front of the refrigerator.

"Of course, darling."

I gulped down the remainder of my cold snack, chiding with brain freeze and the possibility of utter humiliation. But those shoes…my eyes twitched. "Alright, fine, I'll do it." I barred my teeth. "But good god, Rei, I really think you should open a shoe store."

Rei's cackles of evil hardly drowned out the sound of my fallacious sobs into my bowl of ice cream.

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A/N: 

Thanks again to my beta _EternalDragon101_! She's awesome! Check out her stories…

…anyways want to know a little secret? I know nil about art history. And I only ever skimmed through _Gone With the Wind _last year. This is going to be a bit of a stretch, but I think it could work out.

Please Review and tell me what you think! This is a bit different from what I normally do b/c it's so A/U. We'll get more into Serena's hatred of men's attentions and more into that mysterious guy at the park later…though I think It's quite obvious who he is.

Oh and by the way, Makoto and Ami will be introduced later, as are Nephrite, Malachite and Zoicite. There will be scout pairings as well.

Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

uMMster


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Serena Tsukino is a self-sufficient, romantically-cynical 24-year-old whose art studio comes to the attention of playboy millionaire Darien Chiba. He decides to teach her about business; little does Serena know she's getting more than she bargained for.

Chapter 2

Fair Play

_By Ummster_

Disclaimer: Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon.

A/N: This chapter is a bit fast in terms of Serena's mental images, so try to keep up. She tends to switch topics off hand.

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I awoke the next morning in sweaty pandemonium, my hair plastered to my forehead and my forehead pressed taut against a woolen blanket. Ever since Rei's sprite negotiation the previous day I'd been plagued with disturbing dreams of Fendi pumps shepherding me around fields of sheep with the bloated heads of men. Unfortunately, right before their inflated egos exploded, I woke up. What can I say- I'd always been a sucker for dissected men.

Blinking drowsily at the gamut of lights parading around my pupils, I felt around with clammy hands for that familiar fuzzy mammal I liked to call Mr. Snuggles: memorabilia from my childhood I hadn't grown out of. True, since he'd first belonged to my mother, he was older than me (when I kissed him, eligible to be the first bear Sugar Daddy) and looked more like road kill than anything akin to cuddly, but he'd always succeeded in elevating my spirits when I was younger. It was too bad I hadn't gotten his ingenious name copyrighted sooner. I swear those conniving laundry detergent people infringed on my trademark rights…

Enough chitter-chatter. I needed Mr. Snuggles, and fast, else I dissolve into a mound of anxious love-detesting goop (with blonde hair)My fingers meandered through the crevices of my bed. Hmm… Blanket… Blanket… Pillow_… Flesh?!_

Shrieking hysterically I twisted the arm I had found around the side of the bed and dove under my covers backwards, my pillow arched tightly over my ears. "WHOEVER YOU ARE, I KNOW KARATE! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! AS SOON AS I GET OUTTA THIS BED I'M GONNA KICK YOUR SORRY-"

"Put a can in it, Serena," a familiar voice droned amusedly, pulling the covers off my head and flourishing a flashlight to my startled face. My widening, drowsy eyes took in the silhouettes of my two roommates, perched over the side of my bed and peering inquisitively at my face. I vaguely heard someone whisper, "Man, she's strong," but that was very possibly a figment of my imagination. I beamed nonetheless. I really did know karate; one of my best friends in High School, Lita Kino, had been a part-time martial arts instructor. She'd later gone off to Culinary Arts School. That didn't mean I was any good at cooking, however.

Rei cackled in that insanely evil way of hers. "Hey! I was looking forward to seeing her kick your-"

"That applies to you too," Mina grumbled sourly, flipping beach blonde locks over her shoulder in mock nonchalance. "I swear, sometimes it feels like I'm the only serious one out of us three."

I think I had a laughter stroke at that very moment. This was all coming from the girl who hid her dirty laundry under her bed and donned the guise of Michael Jackson on Halloween just to scare the living daylights out of us. Apparently it wasn't too hard to dress up as a child molester. "HAH! You're kidding, right?" I chortled, still gasping for air, then burst into another demonic whoop of crazed laughter.

Mina sniffed indignantly and turned away superiorly. "No one appreciates me around here," she complained, crossing her arms over the silk brassiere stretched boastfully across her hardly demure chest. Supposedly she was doing a lingerie shoot the next day, and her clothes needed 'breaking in', as she called it. Perhaps next week I could throttle her with the train of her runway gown.

Rei joined me in a cackling duet. "Mina, and serious? That's like salt and water!"

I blinked at her from under heavy eyelids. "You mean, oil and water?" I grumbled slightly, my mind inadvertently reverting to the oil-water proportional composition of oil based paint. The things art school did to you; not to mention the nude models. ( shudder ) You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to _shave_. (A/N: HAH! My friend was telling me about that. She says you get used to it though.)

Rei's melodramatic voice interrupted my slightly corrupted thoughts. "I bet she doesn't even know what the capitol of Oklahoma is!" she giggled, smoothing her mused black hair with a tooth comb she'd picked off my nightstand. (A/N: They taught us this song in 5th grade…nevermind)

"AND IT'S OKLAHOMA CITY!" I howled outrageously, "IT HAS THE NAME OF THE STATE IN IT!"

In an instant her laughter ceased, her nose scrunched in thought. Violet eyes softened in question as Rei huffed to catch her breath from her laughter seizure. "Wait, I thought it was Oklahoma Town…"

"Oh…my…god," I murmured to myself, rolling my eyes incredulously, "Both my roommates have the IQ of a chipmunk." I let myself flop back to bed lazily and onto Mina's lap, pale blue eyes slowly fluttering closed. Unfortunately, she was a tad too bony to be comfortable. I shifted back onto my plush mattress, letting out a careless sigh of relief. Back to sleep…sweet dreams Serena…

"Chipmunk's are pretty intelligent," Rei snarled snidely, interrupting my peaceful reverie, her temper flaring uncontrollably and her cheeks turning crimson. "They're related to minxes, you know, and minxes make _gorgeous _coats."

My eyes shot open instinctively. "That's animal victimization, Rei!" I screeched, my hands flailing in the air on their own accord. "How can you stand for something so banal? How would you like it if someone skinned you?" I pinched her arm for emphasis, only to find that like Mina, her arms here too skinny to boast much flesh.

"You mean…like a chemical peel?" Mina piped officiously, "I hear they're really quite bad for your natural complexion."

"DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF?" I bellowed, reaching down to grab my covers, flinging them over my quivering form and praying to god that by some miracle this was all just one absurd dream and I'd soon drift into peaceful slumber.

Mina quirked an eyebrow. "Well, DUH. I'm not mute, you know." I groaned a little, and then slowly raised myself up. Apparently, there was no end to this insane conversation. Looking back, I could probably have held a more intelligent conversation with a cow. Come to think of it, I'd often been told that I had a very dignified moo.

I blinked, trying hard not to be too critical. "Mina, that's not, never mind."

"What?" she asked curiously.

My head flopped back to bed, fluffy euphoria. "It's insane how blonde she is," I murmured to my eternally trusting bed, hoping to god my voice was muffled by my blankets. I desperately wanted to snuggle under my covers and go back to my neurotically pleasing dreams. I was typically an early riser, but on certain days it was practically impossible to lug me out of bed. Especially when it was that time of the month.

Unfortunately, my materialistic companion had been hovering over me. "You are too, blondie." Her sapphire eyes sharpened as she grabbed hold of my arm, forcefully dragging me out of bed. "That's for nearly twisting my arm earlier. Come on, don't make this difficult."

"Ow! Mina!"

"Someone's gotta get you ready for your big date!" She interrupted my painful protests and succeeded in tugging my resistant form into the adjourning bathroom and plopping me on top of the toilet (which was closed, thank heavens, and properly flushed).

"What date- oh…" I cringed knowingly. "But you haven't even picked a guy yet!" I argued, flourishing my arms around myself for emphasis, "Maybe it would be better if I got some beauty sleep then? Huh? Whatcha think of that? Quit being deplorable." With a painful grumble I attempted to edge out of my predicament on top of the toilet, but Mina had me cornered, her slender arms barricading what would otherwise have been a stealthy exist.

Rei grinned, having waddled in after us curiously. "Exactly the reason why we're dragging you with us today to go boy watching." I moaned a little in discomfort. "Oh don't worry honey, we'll leave you the ones we don't like."

"You guys!" Excuse me? I may not have approved of the romantic escapades she dragged me into but that didn't mean I would settle for anything less than standard.

"Sorry, sorry," Rei apologized quickly, "We'll leave them to Mina, shall we?"

"Rei!"

Rei smirked at the strawberry blonde and shrugged her shoulders. "Can't please everyone!" Her fingers perused through the bathroom cabinets, haphazardly throwing tubes of lip-gloss and mascara onto the polished granite surface. "She's got to look sophisticated and at the same time drop-dead gorgeous, flaunty but not too slutty, professional yet sexy…"

"…How can she sound so much like Charles Dickens when she's talking about sexy dresses…" I trailed off behind her, wondering aloud.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just agreeing with you." Rei smiled cheerfully at me and slapped my behind a bit too forcefully. I swear, I would never get used to my overly comfortable friends and their annoyingly sexist antics.

Mina frowned and turned to Rei, nodding profusely and frowning as she pinched my sleepy face. I bit her finger with my canines; to my disappointment she hardly noticed. "Hold on," she said softly, disappearing into my closet and emerging a few minutes later donning my stained artist smock and sporting my 'authentic' French beret. It seemed the only aspect lacking was the infamous French moustache. Nothing a touch of strategically placed eyeliner wouldn't fix.

"Hey! Those are mine!" I whined, pouting, "I bought that hat in Paris!"

Rei muffled a snort behind my back. "Yeah… ( cough ) see, Serena's idea of Paris is the fake-French hobo that lives in a cardboard box across the street."

"Aww, you spoil sport! What does that matter? And why do you even need a smock, Mina?"

Mina's eyes widened knowingly. "You mean you don't know?" She bent in closer, stealthily looking around herself to make sure no one was listening in. "Applying make-up is an _art_," she whispered assuredly. "I know you're a painter and all, but the truth is that makeup is the only one true form of art." She patted my back soothingly. "I'm sorry, honey, but there was no other way to break it to you less painfully."

I fake sobbed into her shoulder and then scowled at her. "Oh…you're a sleaze."

"You're a man-hater!" Rei piped interminably from behind the safe haven of Mina back. I had already begun to roll up the sleeves of my pajamas, my fingers fisting as I readied myself for the sparring match I was sure would result.

Her eyes flashed daringly at me, crimson. "Ma-"

"Rei." I wasn't going to let her badger me any longer.

"Man H-"

"REI!"

"Man Hat-"

"I SWEAR IF YOU COMPLETE THAT PHRASE I WILL CASTRATE YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

"-er."

I nodded at her wickedly, rubbing my hands together. "Alright. You asked for it." I waved at the air dramatically. "Ba-bye Jadeite. I always thought you were too nice for your sex. Ah well."

"SERENA ISABELLE TSUKINO YOU WOULDN'T DARE-"

"Shut it, you too." Mina frowned and rolled up the imaginary sleeves of her silk lingerie, tying up her hair effortlessly and wielding an eyelash curler between her index finger and thumb. "My, my, we have some work to do," she murmured solemnly, before wrenching my face into her grip. I watched in horror as her beguiling weapons closed in on me…

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A few torturous hours later I wobbled into the Crown Café, barely recognizable in my hooker uniform. As always, I was followed by my faithful entourage of Pinky and the not so Brain, on a mission not of world dominance, but to get pathetic me a date. I groaned painfully as I tried unsuccessfully to drag myself towards the counter. First off, the corset-like baby doll dress Mina had squeezed me into had been two sizes too small, and was currently wheezing the air out of my lungs in painful spurts. Second, my face felt like a bowling ball with the mounds of foundation Rei had smeared across my face and full centimeter of liner and mascara Rei had smudged onto my deep-set eyes. Third, my feet, elevated a good four inches off the ground, were not accomplishing their task of supporting me. Worst of all, my ensemble was lime green; I looked like the Grinch who stole Christmas.

"You look hot, Serena! No pressure," Mina whispered contradictorily to my thoughts, her freshly-manicured hands pressed against the small of my back to support me in my hobbling spree. Rei's arms had slipped around my waist helpfully. I leaned against them both in exasperation. "Now all we have to do is find a nice, well-groomed man…"

Rei's lips curved into a smile. "How about the cashier-boy? He's cute." We took a moment to assess him as he handed a brunette a cup of hot chocolate. He did have an amiable smile, impeccably keen chartreuse eyes, and a nice build. Perhaps if I didn't have such an aversion to men I would have…conversed with him.

"Who, Andrew?" Mina asked, shaking her head slowly, curled blonde hair tumbling gracefully over the shoulder of her Louis Vuitton purse. "Don't count on it. I hooked up with him once…horrible kisser." (A/N: Oh, poor Reika.)

I blinked, still wobbling. "Why does that matter? It's not like I need to kiss him or anything. Can we just get this over with?" Mina frowned bemusedly. "PWEEEAASSE!?" I tried desperately.

"Fine. Alright, we'll corner him while we order and you ask him out." She tugged me along by the shoulders, taking care not to rumple by bone-straight, starch golden locks, weighed down by gelatinous, sticky layers of hairspray.

"What if he says no?" I asked curiously, mostly because I didn't think men went for the green clown type. "Can we go home then?"

"Nooo," Rei drawled sardonically, evaluating the surroundings of the cozy café for more eligible bachelors; she herself was, fortunately, too evolved to be of the barbaric cheating type-I guessed because Jadeite was more than proficient in accomplishing his manly duties. "Then we find you another victim."

"What if they all say no?"

Mina grinned cheekily, looking me over thoroughly in the way only she could; starting at my hardly modest bust, up to my flustered face, then down the (lengthy) exposed legs through to the ankles. "They won't. Not with the work we've done on you." Rei nodded absentmindedly, loosely looping a stray tendril of hair around my ears.

I remained persistent. "But what if they do?"

"Then we ask a girl."

"Fair enough," I said, shrugging mutely. It took a substantial amount of effort to heave myself into the nearest chair and collapse headfirst onto the astute, round table perched in front of me. I barely restrained myself from letting out a belated snore. What a droll morning… my mind droned into a state of innate sub-consciousness as I sat with my cheek pressed against the refreshingly cold wood surface of the coffee table.

_Pinky and the Pain  
They're Pinky and the Pain  
Yes, Pinky and the Pain…_

_Before each night is done  
Their plan will be unfurled  
By the dawning of the sun  
They'll take over Serena's world!_

A rich sonorous voice caught my attention above the commotion of my jumbled thoughts: "Good morning Miss Aino…is your friend alright?"

I looked up with a groan of apprehension. Standing before me was the man I recognized to be the tenant of _Starlight Apartments _(A/N: I repeat, I am soo clever. Not.), the complex me and my two superficial comrades resided in. There was no doubt he was a heartthrob; rich, chivalrous, and handsome –in fact he consistently occupied the spot of second most eligible bachelor according to Tokyo Weekly, second only to that despicable playboy who headed _Chiba Enterprises._ I drunk in his appearance unflappably, coolly unimpressed by the man's sensually unwavering blue eyes, instinctively arousing mane of black hair, or the stiff new Armani suit left sexily open at the chest. It was all just a façade, a web of feminine entrapment; and I was one smart arthropod. (A/N: How bout that? Seiya is…_hot._)

"Hello, Mr. Kou." I regarded him with fallacious sweetness.

Sharp blue eyes turned to mine quizzically. "Do I know you?" he asked bemusedly, arching his brow in question.

I blinked dumbly at him, slipping off my Burberry shades. "I share the loft with Mina and Rei."

"Miss Tsukino?!" he exclaimed unceremoniously. It was then that I realized that I currently looked like a green prostitute and not that familiar sexy woman I usually portrayed. Damn the two musketeers. I mean ( clears throat nervously ), not that it mattered what he thought of me. "You look…" His fingers perused his diamond stud earring as he grappled for the appropriate words.

"…like a bimbo?" I supplied helpfully, glaring daggers at Mina, who only smiled nervously and whispered something clandestinely to Rei. My raven-shrouded friend nodded knowingly, violet eyes twinkling in that beguiling yet becoming way of hers.

"No, of course not," he husked charmingly, composing himself quickly and taking a revealing step forward, "You look positively _gorgeous_." As I gaped at him, flabbergasted, he continued. "I quite like that dress on you, actually." He smiled with hardly modest chivalrousness. "Much more flattering than your usual attire."

Not sure whether he meant to be complimenting or not, I accepted the remark spitefully. "Thank you," I murmured decorously, then muttered a hasty "-I suppose." Mina, smiling coyly, gestured for him to take a seat and he accepted, completely at ease.

In an instant brisk words formed in my ear. "Ask him out," Rei purred into my ear, bending over smartly, and pulling at my ear painfully for emphasis. "Now."

"I thought we were going for the nice candy counter boy!" I hissed back, smiling politely at Seiya and then turning around to growl into my companion's awaiting ears. "Besides, he's way out of my league." Come to think of it, was he even single? Last I'd heard he'd been making round-trips with red-heads in Scandinavia. (A/N: KAKYUU! Who did you think?)

Rei's eyes slit inches away from mine. "Just do it! The worst that could happen is he'd reject you. And that would make you very happy, wouldn't it?" She did have a point there. It didn't especially matter that he was rich and handsome and probably dated supermodels, because if he turned down my offer I'd be positively enthralled. That; and Rei and Mina would probably stop bugging me to go on dates for a long time.

"Alright, fine," I snarled back at her, watching her grin devilishly. I turned towards Seiya, who had been peering inquisitively at us for the past few minutes, and grinned tackily. "I was wondering…would you, maybe, like to go out for lunch _–ouch-_ I mean dinner sometime?" I rolled my eyes inwardly, finding it nearly unbearable to inflate his ego so much, but beside Bonnie and Clyde I was defenseless. _I…needed…shoes._

He smiled brilliantly at me, oozing charm and charisma from his every pampered pore. His mouth opened slightly, his tongue sneaking out to sensually kiss the back of my hand. "I was thinking along those same lines," he gushed, his eyes flashing victoriously, as if he had silently been counting how long it would take me to ask him out, and his long fingers loosened there hold on my own. "I'm free tonight actually; how about I pick you up at seven?"

I nodded sweetly. "That sounds perfect." I watched as his designer loafers turned and begin to click towards the exit, only to stop as he stood casually with his shoulder propping the revolving door half open.

"I forgot to mention- wear something sexy." With a roguish wink, he departed from my utterly repulsed presence.

I turned, still cringing, towards my two manipulative friends. "Happy?"

Mina beamed at me. "You have no idea! I might not look it, but I'm positively elated right now."

Rei nodded and patted me assuredly on the back. "It looks like our work here is done. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to meet Jadeite at his place, and Mina has to…well Mina has to do whatever it is she does in her free time."

The blonde quirked a plucked eyebrow. "I'm going shopping! Duh."

"Oh course," I muttered to myself, then raised my voice a considerable octave. "You guys have fun; I'm just going to grab some coffee."

"Alright." The two exited with flourish, leaving me to dilly-dally in my pathetic state of despising both sexes with equal fervor. With a fatigued sigh I made my way towards the counter, hastily ordered my daily cappuccino, and plopped myself down in the last booth of the café, the farthest away from mirrors and civilization. By the third sip of my bitter heaven I had already found my cloud nine and reclined myself over the whole expanse of the long seat. With a little moan of approval I let my eyes droop closed as I imbibed my drink and slipped out of my mile-high stilettos, propping my feet on top of the coffee table. I could practically feel the manager's disapproving glare my way, but I hardly cared. With a tentative touch to my face I swung around my Prada bag, rummaging through the contents of my bag till I found what I was looking for; that ingenious thing called make-up remover. With a nonchalant flip of my locks I begin to scrub ferociously at my face, wincing as the tip of the cloth sneaked into my mouth-

"You seem to favor that pose, don't you?" A smooth voice droned into my ear lightly. With a little 'eep I dropped the green-tinted fabric into my lap and gaped with astonished eyes at my connoisseur from the park. This time, however, instead of a gray pullover, his shoulders were covered opulently with a crisp new Ralph Lauren suit, the apparel supplemented with a luxurious silk tie that dangled close to my chest as he leaned over, his arms entrapping me over the side of the booth and his face dangling dangerously close to my own.

I immediately regained my poise and smirked at him. "Ah, sweet philanderer, hello to you too."

"I prefer Don Juan."

"Well how do you like bastard?"

He grinned and filed in across from me. "What a becoming name; Darien the bastard." The name sounded eerily familiar. His fingers set down an order of steaming black coffee, the scent wafting enticingly towards my nose. "Oh hold on…" he reached over and plucked something off my face, then set it on the table between us. "Just a fake eyelash." His glinting eyes flashed amusedly at me, and I could tell he wasn't going to let me off easy. "Do you mind if I…comment on your attire?" he asked.

I blinked at him curiously. "Go ahead, _Darien._"

"Not to be entirely critical, but you look like an abused clown in that dress."

"Thank you!" I gushed, praising the lord that there was at least another sane human being in the café. Daintily, I picked the cloth out of my lap and began to scrub viciously at my face again, peeking out of the corner to see my companion peering at me inquisitively.

"That wasn't exactly a compliment," he murmured, setting down his coffee to get a better look at me, sultry eyes composedly taking in my heated form. Hands ran rapidly through his silky black locks.

"I know." I nodded. "I have to admire your taste. Personally I despise this dress. My two roommates forced me into it. In fact, this whole ensemble is their bidding."

"Why in the world would they force you to wear-"

"Oh, it's a long story, really," I interrupted sharply, turning back to the task of cleansing my face, "They're trying to get me over my aversion to the attentions of men."

"Ah, I see." He took a long, leisurely sip off coffee, and then turned back to me with a decorous smile. "I'm sorry; I didn't get your name-"

"-Serena Tsukino," I interrupted for the second time, taking a long gulp out of my own beverage and extending a manicured hand towards him. He shook it firmly, and as I retracted my fingers I could still feel them tingling from the pressured hold.

"Well, Ms. Tsukino," he began, after a few minutes of petty conversation, "Unfortunately I've got a meeting to attend to, so if you don't mind I need to get going. I enjoyed this heart to heart." For a few fleeting second his azure eyes met mine, sharp and sensual, but the moment was outlasted as he gathered his coat and made his way towards the exit. My fingers drummed over the polished wood surface of the table with questionable uncertainly, my mind unconsciously returning to the profile burned into my memory; of ebony, sweeping bangs, amused smiles and startlingly intense midnight blue eyes. In a second I had raced out of the booth, cappuccino abandoned, eyes flinching to get a glimpse of the beautiful raven-shrouded head I had only just begun to familiarize with.

By the time I caught up with the handsomely dressed man I was sweating through the thin fabric of my dress and panting profusely. I tapped his shoulder lightly, just as his head dipped into the mustard taxi cab he had hailed moments previously. It swung up again with bewilderment. "Miss Tsukino?" Darien asked, his tall form towering over mine as he leaned against the vehicle. He glanced at his watch impatiently. "Look, I'd love to talk, but I'm running late and I have somewhere I need to be."

I bit my lip nervously. "Has anyone…has anyone ever told you that you have a gorgeous profile?"

I watched as his countenance, in a telling instant, changed from an expression of irritation to one of surprise. "I suppose…" his features composed snidely. "Are you hitting on me?" he asked cockily, arching an annoying eyebrow across his brow.

It was my turn to be startled. "Of course not! Haven't we already established that I think it worthless to waste energy attracting men? I'm an artist; I was wondering if you'd like to model for me."

"Oh, alright," he murmured thoughtfully as the taxi driver honked irritably in front of us. "Is this is a nude shot?" he asked smugly, his lips lifting into a teasing grin. "Because if it is, I'd feel more comfortable if you were undressed too…"

I couldn't help myself; I smacked the side of his head forcefully. "WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, YOU DOLT!" I hollered into his ear as he flinched by the side of the no-doubt beckoning escape vehicle, "prone to voyeurism or something?!"

He winced visible. "Cool off, I was just joking."

"Good." My hands released their grip on his suit and slipped into my purse to extract the business card of one of Mina's hairdressers, to which I flipped over and hastily scribbled the address to my art studio. "Come in today around lunch time- and don't you dare do anything to your face."

I watched as he slipped into the cab, slammed the door shut, and sped off into the musty sunrise.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Please review! Critique is appreciated.

Again, thanks to my wonderful beta EternalDragon101.

So, off to the next chapter…gasp more Darien and Seiya action! Just for clarification, Serena doesn't know his last name yet… The name Darien really annoys me, but using Mamoru would have been too odd, so I decided to leave it like that. I like the name Serena, though. Unfortunately, this fic is too American to go with the Japanese names.

_REVIEW THIS AWSOME CHAPTER PEOPLE- From, Ummster's Beta, Eternal Dragon_


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

_Fair Play_

_By Ummster  
_

A/N:

Thanks for all the reviews! As for me not updating (insert nervous laugh)…err…I've been really busy! Honest Injun! (And been reading Huck Finn) So here's the next installment. Hope you like. Don't forget to review. As for where the story's going, I've got a lot of ideas for later on, so if it seems to be moving slowly, never fear…plot fluctuations are on their way.

This chapter's not short per say but it's not as long as I would have liked…because I felt like this was a good closure. Next chapter will be a little less dark and more fluff between Serena and Mamoru cough I mean Darien (grrr). Ah well what can I say. If I'd added the date w/ Seiya, I'm guessing the chapter would have been way too long.

All I can say is…hopefully it wont take me too long to update next time, ok? Though I'm sincerely doubting that, what w/ all these major tests/ competitions/ STUFF coming up. Don't ask. Just pray that I come out of this alive.

Next chapter's that date with Seiya! Isn't that going to be loads of juicy goodness! Oh, on a sidenote, has anyone read Twilight, the novel? Someone recommended it…sounds pretty good.

_Tootles,_ Ummster -

_Warning_: Contents are deeper than they may appear. Also, this chapter has some cursing…please don't be offended, I'm just trying to keep things real.

_Disclaimer_: Sailor Moon belongs to the ever glorious Naoko Takeuchi.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After swindling my daily dose of S_weet & Low_ from the Crown Café, I hustled back to the _Starlight Complexes_ to change out of my eccentric ring-circus garb into something more comfortable. My only objective as I made my stealthy exit to the studio was to avoid Rei and Mina. No doubt, being micromanaging psychopaths, they would disapprove of my casual attire.

Unfortunately, the fates were not on my side. (As if they ever were.) Providence had decreed that the one day I had been coerced into smearing bottles of makeup on my face, the weather had turned unexpectedly downcast; akin to those cartoons where the dejected nobody is stalked by a blur of black ominous rain clouds. I could already feel the dampness from my eyes trailing darkly over my countenance. To top it off, I had already noticed Mina's engorged head about a half-a-block away, darting out of a French boutique. To my chagrin, she'd spotted me almost instantaneously with those hawk like eyes of hers; that is, after she'd finished snapping at the poor lady in the boutique that she'd ordered Versachi and not Burberry (in addition to a few hardly appropriate expletives).

"Sere!" she wailed incessantly over the consistent hum of the rain, gazing at my sweatpants with obvious critique, "For the love of god, you're not wearing that to your date, are you?" Mina shuffled the twenty bubble-gum pink bags from under her chin to her left shoulder with the ease of an artisan with years of practice. I had to admire her spunk- boasting impossibly high shorts, high-heeled boots and a mid-drifted top like a regular prostitute, all in weather that would clearly ruin her outfit in under five minutes. Either that, or freeze her to death.

"Mina, you should go into gymnastics!" I piped before I could stop myself.

Her pink nose popped out of one of her bags, blond bangs winnowing over bright apple eyes. "What was that, hon?" (A/N: I don't know why, but I like that description.)

I blinked beneath trails of dripping mascara. "Umm…nothing." I shook my head to clear my head of thoughts of how much of an airhead she could be. "And about my attire…I've still got a substantial half a day to pass off before (cough) that…_thing_." I wasn't sure why, but for some reason I was having considerable difficultly spitting the words out. I guessed it was because of my repulsion to dates- especially with superficial -albeit wealthy- men.

Pale green eyes widened as she choked painfully. It was blatant that my lack of fashion morals was squeezing the breath out of her. "Serena, I love you and all, but this is a bit unconventional of you."

Unconventional? "Mina? You think education is a government conspiracy."

Her tongue poked out of the corners of her mouth and she scrunched up her face. "So?" She shook head in annoyance, eyes flashing brightly. "Think about it! All we did in school was get lectured -they're trying to stop us from accomplishing anything in life!"

"And why would they want to do that?" I asked, knowing full well what she was about to say. Mina sustained quite a few conspiracy theories, most of which spilled out of her mouth like gumballs when she was intoxicated -which was quite often, actually.

"I'm running late for my photo shoot," (I rolled my eyes) "But I want you to call me around 1. Now seeing as you're an amateur at this whole dating deal, we're just going to outline the basics." After fishing out one of her pink fuzzy pens, she scrawled out her number and thrust it nonchalantly into my cleavage. I slapped her hand away with a little grumble.

"Well at least you won't loose it- I know no one ever goes down there," she retorted smugly.

I flipped drenched blonde locks over my shoulder with a little grunt, watching Mina stride into the boutique to begin, once again, her maniacal sparing match with the owner of the boutique.

"You're damn straight!" I called after her with a wary shake of my fist, "and don't get me started on how shameful your job is!"

Often times I sincerely wondered what went on in Mina's head. This, undoubtedly, was one of those times. With a wayward sigh, I tugged the slip of paper out of my shirt and let it flutter into the nearest sewage drain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I heard the slight thud of footsteps coming from the front entrance and there was my disturbed romanticist, fashionably late, his hair slightly tousled from the wind. Curly wisps clung damply to his forehead, cutely astray from the thick line of impeccably combed hair that was a wee bit long enough to cover his ears and the middle of a long neck. He looked down at his drenched suit and the tie that had unraveled from his neck and had mangled onto his dress shirt, and nodded apologetically at me. "I didn't really expect it to rain."

"That's no problem," I replied, "It's better this way." It was. He was currently leaning, dare I say, seductively against the pair of glass front doors with his hands crawling up the sides of his head to smooth down unkempt raven black hair. Two remarkably keen blue eyes blinked down at me tartly. "Is there something on my face?" Darien chastised, "or is it just my inarguable good looks you're admiring?"

"Don't flatter yourself." I reached up to take his wet suit coat for him. "You could only know that if you were staring as well."

Darien chuckled softly. "Well at least I'm man enough to admit it."

"I'm neither a man nor do I wish to be one," I snapped. "Besides, arriving an hour late is hardly manly of you."

He chose to ignore that last comment, shoving his fists into his pockets as he peered headily at the framed painting of Mina that dangled just above the desk that was plopped unceremoniously in the middle of my gallery. Viridian eyes winked under tails of luxurious beach blonde hair, tucked under her ears and just reaching the tips of perky breasts, but that was where the painting had been cut off. Her index finger just grazed her cheek as she pouted -a familiar pose of hers. The other hand reached desperately at the camera. Although I hardly approved of the brazen position she'd fixated herself in, there was no doubting the fact that the picture remained one of my best works. Something about the painting drew you in and gazing at it there was an unmistakable aura of some unforeseen trap, mixed in with the bewitching hues of pale rose and lusty tan.

"So you _do_ paint nudes?" he quirked, referring to our previous conversation and gazing in earnest at the painting, his eyes drinking in the exposed flesh.

Well for the love of- "I do not!" His lips twitched into a trying smirk. Damnit. "Fine, maybe only women -but on personal request. Besides, that's not a nude portrait! Can't you see it's cut off rather strategically…" (A/N: Has anyone ever read the Big Sleep? Doesn't it start with a description of a painting like that?)

"So the women in the portrait…"

"My roommate. She thinks perhaps some knucklehead of a man -quite like you- will casually step into my studio, take a glance at it, and fall head-over-heels in love with her." I paused, whisking the clutter of papers on my vanilla desktop into one of the stacked cardboard boxes on the ground. "God forbid a man ask me to do a nude portrait."

His lips curled higher, his eyes twinkling victoriously. "That would require a bit more knowledge of male anatomy, no doubt."

I looked up tartly, the cardboard box clutched tightly in my fisted palms. I bit my tongue to keep from giving him a stringent slap along those finely curved cheek bones of his. He'd pulled the wet tie off his shirt and was twirling it around his palms, his fingers listlessly etching away at the raw silk. Suddenly I felt painfully inferior to this man, dressed so elegantly in his tailored designer apparel while I cowered beside him in a lazy sweater and slacks. His eyes grinned down at me. It was painfully evident that he was thinking along those same lines.

I licked my lips headily. "I haven't always been a feminist," I said simply.

His eyes shot up deftly to catch mine. "Are you implying something, Ms. Tsukino?"

"Of course not." Beaming, I heaved the unwieldy box off the ground, and, huffing slightly, began to inch towards the back room. No sooner had I gone three steps that he stepped behind me and plucked the box with considerable ease out of my grasp.

Well excuuuse me! I may not be the strongest tool in the shed, but at least I can carry a goddamned box into the next room! Taking a few exhasperated gasps of air I swung in front of him and snatched it back. "I can do it, you know!"

"I believe you," he winked carelessly, "but I'm just being gallant." In a moment the box was in his arms again; this time, dangling over his head.

I groaned audibly. I hated being outwitted. "No need for gallantry here, Mister, it's not going to get you anywhere."

Darien cocked his head slightly, chuckling at my futile attempts to retrieve the box. He patted me arrogantly on the head as I hopped on my Mary J's with considerable effort to reach the box dangling tantalizingly from his fingers. "Another innuendo, I presume?" he reprimanded lightly, "Chivalry is by no means a method of seducement." He bent down slowly, leaning the box against my waist. "Besides…If I ever was to seduce you…there's a much easier way…"

I shivered slightly as I felt the warm flutter of breath on my lips and cold fingers slipping under my blouse along the sensitive skin over my hip; but in an instant, they were gone; he turned around, with the cardboard box of nonsensical papers clutched loosely in his grip, and all that was left was the icy tingle that twittered down my spine.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So tell me- how did you become a painter?"

I ignored him, sliding my reading glasses back up my nose to get a better look at the page I'd been gracefully hiding behind my unfinished portrait. (A/N: OO, a dork! I love dorks! Have I ever told you that Mamoru looks adorable w/ glasses too?)

"…_there seemed to be no longer anything in Hester's face for Love to dwell upon; nothing in Hester's form, though majestic and statue-like, that Passion would ever dream of clasping in its embrace; nothing in Hester's bosom, to make it ever again the pillow of Affection."  
_

My life, summed up in one rather astute sentence. I smiled largely. That was by no means something to be complaining of. On the contrary, it was one of my few boasting points.

_"Men of the sword had overthrown nobles and kings. Men blonder than these had overthrown and rearranged -not actually, but within the sphere of theory, which was their most real abode- the whole system of ancient prejudice, wherewith was linked much of ancient principle. Hester Prynne imbibed this spirit. She assumed a freedom of speculation-_

"Are you caught up in another one of your romantic fantasies?" Darien asked quizzically, looking up, rather bored, from his position reclined along the plush love seat– which, may I add, had nearly expended my prop budget for the whole year. It was artistic heaven- the ivory white leather nicely complemented his lustrous black hair and the starch gray pinstriped suit I'd stuffed him in to adhere to my 'neutral' chromatic theme. I took a moment to rid my thoughts of the color wheel and sheepishly stuffed _The Scarlet Letter_ (A/N: One of my favorite books!) into the nearest drawer. Luckily, it'd been hidden under the half-finished portrait propped in front of me.

He did seem to have an annoying habit of interrupting my romance-bashing reveries. "I suppose you want to rephrase that?" I warned, repositioning the canvas in front of me to get a more thorough view of him. I dotted his hair black on the sketched layout.

"I meant exactly what I said."

"So I suppose I heard you wrong?"

"Possibly. Or not."

My brow tensed in meditation as I attempted to mix the premise dark blue of his eyes; unfortunately I couldn't get past an aquamarine. Without looking up, I quipped, "You know you're a condescending bastard?"

I could tell Darien was grinning at me sexily from that languid pose of his, with his elbows folded neatly behind his black locks and his feet propped up on the empty loveseat. He flexed his biceps comfortably in front of me. "And you like it," he beamed cockily, blowing me a lazy kiss over his shoulder.

Muttering expletives under my breath, I aimed a paint brush at the very bicep and let fly. Fortunately for him, I missed and the paint brush clattered to the ground in front of his feet.

"Where is this going?" he asked.

I shrugged, adding a dab of chartreuse; just to find that he had opened that excessively large mouth of his again. I had the desperate urge to seal his mouth shut with masking tape. "As much as you conveniently deny it, we both know that underneath those layers of antipathy, you're really a vulnerable sadist masking your attempts at attention with biting remarks."

My head whipped upwards with rebellious flare. I supposed that at that moment he was applauding his stunning use of demeaning vocabulary. Idiot man! The insatiable need to criticize him was by no means fueled by sadistic intention! To even suggest that I expected- I shuddered despite myself. What ever happened to plain and simple annoyance? Was it so hard for him to comprehend that I genuinely disliked him?

"For a man who hardly knows me, you seem to have me labeled quite thoroughly!" I lashed, my nostrils flaring as I took a defiant step out of my chair. Tempting my nerves was risky business. It was one of the few useful qualities I'd inherited from Rei.

My model looked at me with unperturbed eyes, boosting himself off his comfortable seat to meet me at eye level (although I myself had to crane my neck upwards to catch of glimpse of that spiteful face.) "Humor me then, sweetheart," Darien crooned lightly, with a hint of a teasing grin adorning his brow, "Who are you really?"

"Serena Tsukino," I said flatly.

"Very funny. That's not what I meant."

"I know exactly what you meant!" I exclaimed, barring my teeth with un-lady-like audacity. Then again, I wasn't the epitome of proper feminism, was I now? "And I have no intention of telling you!"

"Whoa, cool down." Darien moved a few dangerous steps closer, placing two unwelcome hands on my shoulder and beginning to massage the tense muscles of my neck. "Serena," he stated, as if addressing someone half my age, "Breathe." I complied, more out of exhaustion than agreement, and allowed him to carefully set me back down on the stool beside my easel. "Just breathe," he repeated, giving me one last -_helpful_- squeeze before beginning to knead the tense skin at the sides of my forehead.

At that moment, the one, blasted moment I let my guard down to enjoy a thorough rubdown, fate had decreed that the door would unceremoniously be flung open.

Enter Rei.

"Let's make this quick," she chided, glancing down at her fresh manicure and popping the gum in her mouth, "Mina sent me to instruct you on proper date etiquette , seeing as you _casually_ forgot to call her for instructions, so she dragged me here to help you. But judging from the fact that I myself have a date with Jadeite in a matter of minutes, I'm going to drop off the dress and leave. That stays between us, got it?"

Her eyes raised to meet with my assent, only to fully engulf the picturesque of my companion with his hands resting against my forehead. "Darien?" she asked unsurely. Suddenly her features animated. "He_llo_! You sweet, sweet man! Have you single-handedly managed to break down the untouchable Serena's vow against physical contact with the opposite sex?"

So saying, she strode over to us, grabbed Darien's cheek roughly and implanted a chaste kiss on it. Then her face swooped down angrily over my own. "SERE! You have a man in your studio! A stunningly gorgeous one at that! How could you not tell me!"

Sheesh. Talk about feeling overexposed. "He's my model, Rei. And actually, I did mention him. He's that man from the park. And how do you know him?" I asked accusingly. I was sensing a past relationship, which was slightly unnerving.

"You two were talking about me?" Darien asked curiously, hardly hiding that despicable pride of his.

Rei ignored him, much to my pleasant surprise. "He's Jadeite's- I mean, he works with Jadeite." She coughed slightly. Hmm, perhaps the lack of real food was finally catching up with her. It was a miracle she didn't just keel over.

So it seems he worked for Chiba Enterprises; that would explain the man's debased morals. I supposed it wasn't entirely his own fault -his boss was the most eligible bachelor in Tokyo. Poor man- no wonder he craved attention. Judging from the fact that Seiya had a new woman hanging off his arm like a pestilence every day -and he was only runner up- I estimated that the real macho man must discard his woman by the hour. I wondered what he looked like. Roughish blonde hair perhaps? Maybe a nice tattoo to top it all off? I wondered, how did this man even managed his own entrepreneurship. Probably didn't even know what the word meant.

"Oh, you poor dear," I sympathized immediately, "It must be _enthralling_ working with the most knuckle-headed bachelor in all of Tokyo." Alright, so I'd tampered with the official title, but to me, the two words were interchangeable.

Darien exchanged a rather hefty glance with Rei before chuckling, "If you're referring to Mr. Chiba, then you're right. It is a quite enthralling experience, actually. He's a gentleman and quite the extraordinary salesman. In fact, he's so good at maintaining a low profile you probably don't even know what he looks like."

My violet-eyed best friend dissolved into a fit of giggles, much to my bewilderment.

"Is there something funny about this? Really, I'd like to know! Because the way I see it, a multi-millionaire who spends his time fucking his secretaries while others run his business strikes me as…positively _hilarious!_"

His eyes froze over me, darkening stormily. Rei darted glances wordlessly between us with widened eyes as Darien inhaled softly with pained collectiveness. For a good few minutes he stared at me with unmoving, unwavering stoic black orbs. Suddenly the awkwardness dropped and he shuffled his feet beneath him, glancing at his watch with submissiveness and once more, looking at me with frightening impassiveness.

I watched his lips purse slowly. "How dare you…" he sucked in a hasty breath, "…accuse me of something so vulgar…" I couldn't quite make out the last words of the sentence, only felt a hand slide over my own and a business card slip between my fingers.

"Serena, you idiot!" Rei wailed, "Do you even know who he is! He's Darien Chiba! _The _Darien Chiba! You know, the one you were just talking about?"

Sure enough, flipping the card over unsurely, I made out that despicable hallmarked name, printed lavishly in ornamental print: Darien B. Chiba. I wondered what the b was for- maybe bastard.

I almost laughed aloud. "Oh you had me so fooled!" I exclaimed, my voice rising by the second, "I knew you were self-centered, but to think, you're the biggest womanizer of them all! You're the head of the goddamned clan!"

Mr. Chiba glared accusingly at me. (A/N: Notice the change in name). "You know, heading a corporate company and having woman find me attractive doesn't necessarily make me the jerk you put me out to be."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, spare me the antics and don't deny what we both know is undoubtedly the truth. I've read about you before; we all have! You're hobbies are, and I quote: 'Taking over companies…and woman'." (A/N: Haha…I like that one).

"It's not my fault they practically jump into my bed." He chuckled roguishly, his cobalt eyes sparkling slyly.

"Oh come on Sere," Rei interrupted officiously, shaking me sharply by the shoulders, "we all enjoy fooling around once in a while. It's human nature."

"Well _I _certainly don't! And don't you dare say I'm not human, Rei! You two have no idea what I've gone through, do you? Think it's so easy being me? That I just mope around all day and splatter paint on an aisle?" I bit my lip to ease the fury but it only made my eyes dampen. I turned wrathfully towards Darien, who was looking at me with spiteful curiosity and something akin to… "Oh and don't you go pitying me! Making me out to be some sort of lunatic…well maybe I am! And you know what? I have the right to be! I'll have you know I've gone to hell and back just to get to where I am now! And you know where that's brought me? Right back to the damn beginning!"

My head pounding with unwanted nostalgia, I grappled for the luxury coach and collapsed onto it unceremoniously, pushing my bangs out of the way. I closed my eyes painfully and let out an exuberant sigh.

"Oh please, put a can in it," Rei seethed. "Anyways," she thrust a neon-pink, frilly bag at my abdomen, "here's your dress. And, according to Mina, if you sweat in it…she'll…well…" she groped nervously for the proper words, while I stared spitefully at the excessively flamboyant pink piece of cloth Mina called a dress. Did everything they force me into have to be so…nonexistent?

"SPIT IT OUT WOMAN!" I screeched, my head popping up from its position on the opulent white armrest. I was growing annoyed at Rei's inability to form an articulate sentence.

"Eh…she'll-push-your-boobs-back-into-your-chest." She slurred, then smiled triumphantly. "What a load to say! It's like a weight's been lifted off my chest! Wait, that didn't sound right…"

"Please leave now," I chided desperately, heaving myself up to pick up her Marcs Jacob bag and thrust it out the door. "_Please._" I repeated.

"Alright, alright, I'm going!" She remarked, popping her gum in my face again and glancing down at the dress draped over my shoulder. "Oh, I almost forget- don't wear a bra with that. It's good to aerate yourself once in a while." With that cheerful remark, she swung open those fateful glass doors and departed from my rather abashed presence.

"And you!" I pointed to Darien who stood smirking widely at me from the other side of the room. "Leave!" I signaled flagrantly at the exit.

He took his time departing, brushing past me rather obviously and bent down over my shoulder, staring rather obviously at my chest. "If you ask me, I don't think they need aeration." Smiling with devilish charm, he added, "They're perfect the way they are."

I made sure to whack him several times with my pink frilly bag before shoving his still laughing body out the door.

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A/N:

Well that was an interesting chapter. Tell me what you think. Review, 'cause it makes me happy. Why the hell am I so sad?

And as always, thanks to my wonderful beta Eternal Dragon 101. I liked both the endings so I sort of merged them. :/ I dunno how it worked out.

Ummster.


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